Mail Bag: Standing Out at Work

Hello,

I stumbled upon your blog a while back and really like it! It's great. I'm a working woman as well and curious to know your opinion on something.

Your style is certainly not tame. And you wear a lot of nice stylish clothes and definitely have an individuality to you. In many workplaces, there is a lot of competitiveness btwn. women and many times women who are older, or overweight or unattractive or who don't dress well are resentful twds stylish women. Does this happen to you?

this has happened at my workplace to me at various times. I'm also thin and some of the overweight women or frumpy women have given me dirty looks.

Also, in many workplaces it's not a good idea to stand out. Even if it's not so competitive, it inspires jealousy or negative vibes from other people. If i dressed like you to work, i know i would get dirty looks from women who are jealous.

Could I get your thoughts on this?

Tactic 1: Ignore Them
First, I try not to concern myself with the negative attitude someone might have toward me because of the way I dress. If a woman judges me vain, shallow, bitchy, vapid, etc based on my appearance, she probably isn’t someone with whom I want to be friendly. Is this truly someone with whom one wants to have a personal relationship?

Cruel comments can sting, but try not to let them get to you. No matter how fabulous your style, not everyone is going to love it. Content yourself with the knowledge that most of the criticism is borne of jealousy, not an actual violated ideal.

Tactic 2: Befriend Them
When I was little, I used to complain to my mother about the kids at school that I “hated.” She’d invariably reply that I’d better get used to being around people I didn’t like, because some day I’d have to work with them. She was right.

What to do if you must have a working relationship with someone who gives you the stink eye and makes catty comments about your clothes? Get to know her.

Unfortunately, many women view the workplace as a battle field and female coworkers as enemies. One of the first principles of warfare is to dehumanize the enemy. In this situation, you have been cast as the enemy. You are no longer considered an actual feeling, thinking person, but “that skinny bitch.” To overcome, you must demonstrate that you are a multi-dimensional human being, not a flat caricature.

Try taking the coworker to lunch or arrange to work on a project together. Create a situation where she can’t help but get to know you as a fellow person. Working on a project together is an ideal way to show your coworker that (1) you carry your weight at the workplace, despite your “frivolous” appearance, and (2) you are a valuable work partner. If she’s close with the rest of the group giving you dirty looks, she may end up being a great PR rep for you. Remember the adage: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Tactic 3: Get Help
If you can’t ignore these unpleasant coworkers and your attempts to befriend them are unsuccessful, you may want to enroll your Human Resources contact. A situation like this is an indicator that there is a general atmosphere of intolerance in the workplace. Some diversity training might be in order.

Tactic 4: Concentrate on Work
Finally, no matter how flamboyant your dress, ensure that your work speaks even more loudly. You want to be known for the quality of your results, not the trendiness of your footwear. If your appearance stands out, you may have to do more advertising of your work product so that your coworkers don’t dismiss you as silly and vain. The ideal balance between the visibility of your style and your work will vary depending on your industry and your workplace environment.

Please don’t let jealous coworkers and snide comments cramp your style. Think what a fun and colorful place work would be if we all unleashed our inner fashionistas! You never know…the day you ignore the meanies and wear a wild scarf might be the day you inspire someone else to break out of the corporate mold, too.

PUYV: Navy & White "All Out"

Jacket, Forever 21. Dress, Ann Taylor Loft. Tank, Merona. Pumps, Pulse. Necklace, Target. Watch, Louis Arden.


Accent colors: purple, kelly green, citron, and fuchsia.


In Style’s “all out” navy and white example
Well, my yellow is more “canary” than “citron” and the green is more “sea” than “kelly” and I really wish I had that In Style fuchsia dress…but I think I’ve got the essence of the Navy & White “all out.” The neutrals have become the accents and the accent colors are now the focus.

A previous Navy & White “all-out” look:

PUYV: Navy & White "Medium"

Skirt, Side x Side (thrifted, shortened, and embellished). Sweater, Forever 21. Blouse, Worthington. Peeptoes, Wet Seal. Bracelet and earrings, Target. Bag, Tommy Hilfiger. Scarf, Old Navy.


Accent colors: purple, kelly green, citron, and fuchsia.


In Style’s “medium” navy and white example
My external flash arrived yesterday! The diffuser, though, is still in the mail, so I’m bouncing the flash off of the ceiling. I still don’t have quite the look I’m after, but I’ll continue to fuss with the flash placement and camera settings. It’s tough being model and photographer (and stylist, copywriter, editor, etc.)


One immediate advantage of the bounced flash is that I can take indoor spinny pictures without that harsh “flash” look.
Previous Navy & White “medium” looks:

PUYV: Navy & White "Soft"

Dress, Merona (shortened). Belt, The Limited. Pumps, Oh Deer. Watch, Louis Arden. Headband, Forever 21. Cami, Charlotte Russe. Bag, Tommy Hilfiger.


Accent colors: purple, kelly green, citron, and fuchsia.


In Style’s “soft” navy and white example
From what I gathered in the In Style Pump Up Your Volume article, the “soft” outfit for each neutral mix consists of the two neutral colors plus a dash of the accent color. The “medium” examples are about a 50/50 split between the neutrals and accents and the “all-out” relegates the neutrals to accent status. It’s a neat approach for someone trying to incorporate more color into their wardrobe.

Today, I’ve used just the smallest bit of purple, in my hair and at the neckline. Such restraint is entirely unlike me. And I never would have thought to accent navy with purple before seeing the inspiration outfit.

No watch here because I didn't think to add it until I took the final picture
Previous Navy & White looks accented with a touch of fuchsia, instead of purple:

Pump Up Your Volume

My longest “theme week” so far was the nine day Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style series. I’m up for another nine day stretch inspired by the April In Style “Pump Up Your Volume” feature. The spread pictures three neutral combinations (Navy/White, Stone/Gray, and Khaki/Olive), recommends four accent colors for each neutral combo, and demonstrates how the accents can be added for varying levels of intensity (soft, medium, and all-out).

This will be the third time I’ve used In Style color features to inspire my wardrobe choices. (Previous In Style theme weeks were I Scream, You Scream and Summer Mixers.) Fashion magazines are a lot like home decorating magazines or cooking magazines. They’re fun to flip through in the doctor’s office, but you get the most out of them if you make an attempt at applying the principles. You don’t learn anything until you copy an outfit, try a DIY project, or cook up a new recipe.

Double Dress

Trench dress, Forever 21 (thrifted and overdyed). Gingham dress, Giorgio Fiorlani (thrifted). Belt, thrifted. Boots, Playhouse. Sunnies, Hawaiian Tropic.


Scarf, Marshall’s. Bag, thrifted.
This is one of my thriftiest outfits ever. Now, if I could just managed to score a new (well, used) pair of cowboy boots at one of my secondhand haunts. . .

Boyfriend Blazer

Jacket, borrowed. Embellished tee, Express (thrifted). Tank, Merona. Jeans, Express. Booties, Sigerson Morrison for Target. Bracelet, Urban Outfitters. Earrings, Claire’s.


I started wearing this jacket in October, but I guess the boyfriend blazer has just come back into mainstream fashion. (I don’t claim to be ahead of the fashion curve; I probably pinched the idea from Wardrobe Remix. Those girls are fashion forward.) Check out You Look Fab’s posting on the return of the boyfriend blazer. Is it something you’d wear?


This actually IS a boy’s blazer, but it certainly isn’t my husband’s (as Sheila asked). I stole it from New Gate Celtic Theater Company.

Stick Twist

How many of you long-haired lasses have been in a situation where you’d do anything to get your locks out of your face but there isn’t a clip or a rubber band to be found? Maybe you forgot to bring a fastener when you showed up to work at a lab or your hair swings into your eyes every time you lean over to pick up the baby’s carrier or you unexpectedly spend an afternoon at a windy seaside. Long hair is lovely, but I'm ready to chop it all off when it gets in the way.

I’ve prepared a 90-second (okay, 91-second) video on how to twist long hair up with nothing but a hair stick. Your hair must fall to about your shoulders or longer for this to work. This isn’t an updo for a big event, but rather a very utilitarian twist for those times when you need to secure long hair and you’ve got nothing but a pencil.

Please note: I misspeak in the video. You will rotate the stick 360 degrees, not 180.

Quill

Dress, London Times. Sweater, Body Central. Tights, Apostrophe. Boots, White Mountain. Earrings, Merona. Wooden bangle, swap. Brass bangle and bag, World Market. Headband, selfmade.

Rowr

Shrug, INC. Dress, Jones New York. Obi, Sugadaminka. Shoes, Nine West. Nude fishnets, Simply Vera. Bag, Franco Sarto. Earrings, Merona.


I recently received some interesting reader mail about the yellow wall I often use as a background for my indoor photos:

I wanted to drop you a line because I have to admit, I don't enjoy your yellow wall. Well, it's not the yellow wall that I don't enjoy, I appreciate bright happy colors on walls, it's the way it looks behind your outfits. I understand your journey through finding the right background colors to contrast behind your outfits and I liked your "How To" on "Photograph Your Outfits" but recently you've been using the yellow wall and I find myself less enthralled with your outfits on those days. I think that the severity of the color on the wall detracts from the brilliance of your outfit and I doubt that's an ideal outcome for you.

- Persnickety Penny

So now I’m wondering: what do the rest of you think about the yellow wall as a backdrop? Personally, I love the location because the lighting is so superb. I place the camera in the bathroom and take advantage of the bright bathroom lights to illuminate my shots. I also find the yellow glow from the walls to be quite flattering.

Even if you all hate the yellow wall, I don’t promise to stop taking pictures in front of it. However, now that I have some daylight in the evenings, I’ll be taking more of my photos outside, so you’ll get some relief from the Golden Cricket hallway.

The yellow wall is...
	a great background!
	ruining your photos.
	okay...it's the lighting I don't like.
pollcode.com free polls

R.O.U.S.

Tux jacket, Odds ‘n Evens (thrifted). Blouse, Forever 21. Skirt and ring, Merona. Nude fishnets, Simply Vera. Shoes, Colin Stuart. Necklace with medallion, Newport News. Faux pearls, thrifted.







R.O.U.S. stands for Ring of Unusual Size. Much more pleasant than an oversized rodent, huh?

Actually, the ring is so large and heavy that I took it off to use the keyboard. I was afraid I might sprain my index finger otherwise.

Stay Home Day

Sweatshirt, Mossimo. Pants, Ecko Red (patched by me). Clogs, Sloggers. Hat, bet you can’t guess. Garden gloves, Kroger.

I stayed home today to work on the yard. But first, I walked four miles home from Target because I missed the bus. In my pajamas. Because I didn’t plan to miss the bus and they didn’t look too pajama-y and, my goodness, have you seen what the other people are wearing on the bus around here? Still, I upgraded my outfit for the yard work. In fact, I just ironed these patches on the knees this morning. Hot, huh?

Subdued

Sweater, Tricot Jolie. Long-sleeved tee, Forever 21. Scarf, TJ Maxx. Jeans, Dollhouse (overdyed black). Loafers, AE for Payless. Necklace, Pangaea.


I overdyed these jeans with a bottle of Rit black dye in the washing machine. (“Before” picture is above.) As you can see, they did not come out black. That’s probably because the jeans are only 27% cotton. They are 60% ramie (which doesn’t take dye well) and the rest of the fiber content is synthetic. Although the jeans aren’t black, I do like the new color.

I went to see Wyoming Players' production of Home or Future Soap. It was awesome. But I’m a sucker for sci fi. Especially trippy 60’s sci fi!

This outfit is a little more subdued than I usually wear to see my theater buddies. So, I jazzed it up a little with TATTOO SOCKS.


These are the same brand as Friday’s tights, but I don’t know the name!

Color Blocks

Jacket, Forever 21. Dress, Frederick’s of Hollywood. Long-sleeved tee, Mossimo. Leggins, Danskin. Boots, Diba. Purse, MCI (thrifted). Earrings, Pangaea. Sunnies, Hawaiian Tropic.

Outfits like this feel like “play clothes” to me. I should have gone to the playground instead of making a dull trip to Sears to get my vacuum fixed.

A previous, color-blocked, play outfit:

The above outfit was deemed perfect for a “hosting a lego party." Made me laugh

Tattoo Knees

Cardigan, Apt 9 (thrifted). Dress, Jovovich Hawk for Target. Tights, Macy’s (so sorry I didn’t study the package for the brand name!) Boots, Diba. Scarf, TJ Maxx. Purse, MCI (thrifted).

Some people will hate these tights, but I love how they make my knees look as if they were tattooed. I’m not nearly bad ass enough to tattoo my knees, but I did have an eyebrow pierced.

Flash

Jacket, Forever 21. Dress, Merona (shortened). Necklace, Xhilaration. Pumps, Oh Deer!