Sunday, March 28, 2010

IRL Awkwardness

This blog started as a secret project. Even after I told Londyn about it and started participating in Wardrobe Remix, the blog remained my shameful secret. I thought it incredibly vain to post my picture each day and the trolls told me that it was, not only vain but, a big waste of time. I was running and swimming with my best friend Erin Fancy Pants for almost a year before she found out about it (and she heard from someone else). I suspect that this is no longer a secret blog, but I remain painfully shy about it in real life.

I’m sometimes recognized on the street or at work. Perhaps I meet someone new, while in the company of friends, and my current acquaintances tell the new one about the blog. I die a little death each time the blog comes up for the first (or second or third) time. I change the subject or just run away.

I am, perhaps, overreacting, but I certainly can’t be alone in my discomfort in reconciling my online and offline lives.
  • Do you have a blog (style related or not)?

  • Do you tell people about it?

  • How do you deal with strangers who recognize you from your blog?

  • What do you say to someone who says, “I love your blog!” (“Thank you” is not sufficient when you’re trapped in the elevator with them!)

  • If you were to come up to me and mention the blog, what would you want me to say to you? (Is "thank you" enough, after all?)

65 comments:

gina said...

Yes, I have a blog. Yes, I tell people about it. I was a bit shy about it for the first month or so, and when my boyfriend would mention it to people, I would usually just nod, awkardly say "Yes, I have a style blog" and then change the subject.

I've never had anyone recognize me from my blog. I imagine I'll be pretty excited the first time that happens.

When someone says they like my blog, I usually say thank you. Sometimes, I chatter about it a little. Depends. I often talk about my habit of reading blogs and talk a little bit about the blogging community as a whole. Different people, different styles, various ages, some in the fashion industry, some not.

If I were to come up to you, or any other blogger, irl and compliment you on your blog, "Thank you" would be sufficient.

La Historiadora de Moda said...

Yes, I have a blog. I tell some people about it, but there is still a bit of stigma against fashion in academia, so I'm careful to not associate my blog with my real name on the internet. So far I haven't had any strangers recognize me from the blog, so I don't know how I would react yet. I really just say thanks, it's a fun and creative outlet for me, and yes, I think thank you is enough.

Ecc3ntricCynic said...

Yes I have a blog (3 actually, food books and fashion)

I've told 2 people other than my immediate family. My best friend who reads and supports my blog, and a friend of my husband's who made a few wise cracks about it. My family is generally supportive and occasionally pick up new pieces of clothing or books to feed my interests.

I've never had anyone recognize me, but I have the same fears you mention. Especially someone thinking I'm vain/wasting my time.

I think "thank you" is plenty. If someone wanted to talk about my blog and continued speaking about it, I'd likely indulge them if I felt comfortable or I'd drop it if I wasn't.

Online and real life are hard to merge because we often live vastly different lives online than we do in person, even if we blog our daily lives we control the input and 'face' the internet sees.

Hannah said...

I have a blog, I don't tell others, I'm not embaressed of it, it's just not really something people talk about!

I can actually relate very much to this subject because I have a show on YouTube, which is kind of a secret. It's got fans and followers and my friends talk about it openly.
Every once in awhile a stranger will approach me and tell me they saw my show and liked it. Most times I just reply back with a smile and a 'thank you'.

Other times, like you, I don't feel it's enough.
They obviously saw something they liked and felt the need to tell me. So I will usually ask them about it. "Oh you saw it? Which episode? What did you think of it? What would you like to see on the show? What's your favorite episode?". So I'll get them into a conversation.

You can easily do the same with your blog. "Thanks for reading my blog. What's your favorite post? Do you follow other blogs? Do you have a favorite blog? Are you interested in fashion?".

That's the best I can come up with. Good luck, and I really enjoy reading your blog! :)

Lollipop said...

I have a blog but I don't tell people about it. If people stumble across it, that's fine, but I don't want to have conversations about my blog. It just makes me feel really awkward. I'm not really one for attention so maybe that's why? But I share your views anyway x

Karisa Tells All said...

I feel sort of embarrassed about having a blog in front of people I know IRL too, because there's kind of a negative connotation to "blogging." Everyone assumes blogs are just written by angsty teenagers who can't get published anywhere else.

I don't know what I'd want you to say if I met you. "Thank you" would probably suffice.

Fia said...

I know this feeling exactly. It embarrasses me when people I know bring up my blog. I've been meaning to write a post (yeah, along with all those other posts I've been meaning to write) about how style blogging fits in with my feminism because even I have to justify it in my head sometimes.

Emma Clark said...

I have a blog which is about 2 months old now. When I first started it, I didn't tell anyone. The big step for me was putting it on my Facebook page. That really connected my offline and online lives.

All my friends are supportive (which is good as they talked me into starting it). They often help with the photography too.

If someone new mentions that they have seen it, I ask them what they thought but I let them lead the conversation. Think that avoids me boring them with it. And if someone says they love it, I always think "Thank you" is a good response.

Sheila said...

Wow, I'm so surprised that people aren't more open about having a blog!

I have a blog, and of course, you inspired it, Kasmira! I was so excited to start it - I sent out the link to all of my friends (including the ones I didn't think would necessarily be into the whole fashion thng). Some of my friends have forwarded it on to other people (as in "Oh, you would love my friend's blog, let me send you the link."). Lots of my friends read it and don't comment, but we chat about it when I see them in person. My mom, aunt and sometimes my brother and my nieces read it to see what I'm up to. My husband reads it to see my outfit that day (he often doesn't see me in my work clothes).

I'm totally not shy about telling people! I often strike up conversations with other fashionable people at my work (I work in for a big corporation and run into people from other departments all the time). Once I get to know them, I tell them about my blog and send them the link, letting them know I don't ever mention my city, my husband's name or where I work.

I do find that the topic of my blog is an excellent barometer of a person. If they are dismissive of it, well, they are obviously someone who I don't care to know. If they are curious about why I would do such a thing, I'm happy to explain what I love about it and all the side benefits I've had (better posture, better image of what I actually look like, the evolution of my style, I have a visual record of all my clothes/jewelry/other stuff in my house in case it burns down, etc.).

I also tell shop proprietors in some of my favourite stores (I don't get kickbacks or anything, I just think they'd like to see how I put their clothes together) - and they look at my blog sometimes. I've been meaning to make up a cute business card to hand out to people who want the link, actually.

I've been recognized twice and I was thrilled both times. It was so cool to connect with a stranger over something that I love: fashion! So far, I've just said, "Thank you!" and asked them how they found my blog.

I am not shy about my blog - I'm proud of it! I am an arty person - I need an artistic outlet and clothes are it. Being creative is important to me, and writing about my clothes and photographing my outfits makes me happy - everyone has hobbies and this is one of mine. Yes, there's that narcissistic element, but really, my world IS all about me! :-P

If I were to come up to you, oh my gosh, I would be a giddy schoolgirl about it. I don't know that I would expect anything more than a "thank you" from you, though, just as if you were a movie star or a famous author (which, in a way, you are both!). Maybe I'd want a picture of us. :)

Melissa said...

I have a blog but I don't talk about it IRL. (I actually don't think my boyfriend even knows I keep it) I do have a couple of IRL friends who know about it(and read it) but we have all been followers of each other's evolving blogs since back in the LiveJournal days (early-mid 2000s).

I had been keeping a personal journal/blog since about 2003, but have recently set up a running blog since it's my current obsession and I need an outlet for it so I don't bore my friends IRL since the majority of them are not runners.

I wouldn't mind of someone recognized me for my blog as long as the situation was "appropriate". I wouldn't want it mentioned if I was at work or around a large group of friends (don't want a large group of IRL readers b/c I think it can sometimes take away the authenticity). If someone came up to me, I would love for them to ask me about my training or recent/upcoming races.

Sarah said...

I do have a blog (just started it a few months ago) and I keep it a secret. I told my boyfriend (who I live with) and that is all. I feel the same as you do, that it is vain to care so much about what I am wearing. (Even though it is not vain to want to look and feel good.)

I probably wouldn't come up to you in real life because I am very shy. But, if I did and mentioned how fantastic your blog is then a simple "Thank you" would be enough for me.

Did you start your blog after Londyn?

April said...

Maybe ask how they heard about it... draws them into a convo so you don't look like you feel awkward, and is informative for you too!

Leslie aka "MissusSmartyPants" said...

I too have a style blog. I don't talk too much about it. It is just something I love to do. It is related to my website and style services that I offer--but my blog shows a personal side of me...what I choose to share ;)

I agree w/ a comment from above. If you do mention your style blog, people give you the feeling that you are either wasting your time or perhaps lacking in intelligence.

However, like everyone here we know there is more to style than meets the eye! Style is a way of expressing who you are and being creative! How fabulous is that?!

If I was to meet you or you were to meet ME...I think we'd say a lot more than thanks for sharing your "style blog"! We'd have a lively conversation about style. However, I'll settle for second best, I'll follow style blogs like yours and share my love for it here online!

Lady Cardigan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lady Cardigan said...

(Sorry, I am reposting this comment to correct a typo.)

I have not told anyone about my personal blog and doubt I ever will. It's far removed from my regular life, and that's what I like about it. I would hate to be recognized so I understand how you feel.

If someone recognizes you, you could try saying, "Thank you - what do you like about the blog?" or "Thank you - so you're into fashion?" or something like that -- anything to turn the conversation to the other person. Maybe say something about an item they're wearing. People love to talk about themselves, so as a shy person I try to get them talking so I don't have to say much.

Diana said...

I'm generally a bit shy to tell people in real life that I have a blog. Most of my family knows, and close friends, but in general, I don't like to bring it up with acquaintances, and I never tell co-workers. I've never had anyone recognize me from my blog, and I've always wondered how I'd react. I'm generally not the type to brag about myself, so I imagine I would feel a bit awkward.

Marianna said...

This is an interesting post and I have enjoyed reading the comments. I just started my blog a couple months ago but have kept it very separate from real life. My boyfriend knows, but that is it. I know I'd feel awfully embarrassed if anyone else found out. I'm not exactly sure where this shame comes from, though. I suppose I would worry that others wouldn't "get it" or think that I'm completely self absorbed. I think when others aren't involved in the blogging circle, style blogging would be a very hard concept to grasp.

MarchMusings said...

I know what you mean. I've just started a style blog and still undecided if I should post a personal style picture, weekly or not. Any thoughts?

melina bee said...

yes, I started my blog about a year ago sort of as a joke but only started really working on it recently and using pictures of myself. At first I thought maybe the entire idea was vain until I saw great blogs like yours. That and my boss/professor said I had such interesting style someone should take a photo of me every day.
I don't really tell people in my professional life about it, except for a couple close people. People in my social life I tell about it a lot because I do view it as a legitimate creative outlet and platform. If the blog shows you are intelligent and at least learning skills (which are totally applicable to all kinds of endeavors professional and otherwise) then it should be something you stand behind. Would you be ashamed of a self portrait you painted?
No one has ever recognized me. I have read in countless etiquette books that the only polite response to a compliment is "thank you." There's a way to make that sufficient, well-mannered if repetitive. It may also be a polite way for someone to get the hint, or at least a diversion tactic.
melina bee

Shelly said...

I have a blog and no I don't tell anyone about it. I really started writing it keep my family in touch but now I find it easier to write then I think it's people that I don't know?!?!

I think just a Thank you is too short. I would think it be just fine for you (and what I'd want to hear) to say "Thank you I'm glad you enjoy it." That leaves the door open for them to comment more if they want. Or maybe "Thank you I'm glad you enjoy it as much as I do writing it."

I love your blog!

~Tessa~Scoffs said...

Kasmira - yours was one of the first blogs I started reading regularly and it remains one of my very very favorites. When I started mine I kept it an absolute secret from everyone except my husband. Now only my extremely intimate family members know about it and I pray that it stops there. I have lots of bloggy friends and lots of real life friends and never the twain shall meet. No one has ever recognized me from my blog and I post very few pictures of myself. If I ever saw you (and spoke to you) in real life, I don't think I would expect more from you that a curt "thank you." But I'd probably leave you alone since you'd be in San Diego on vacation.

DaShannon said...

a few weeks ago my hub and i were having a conversation about friends and the little community we live in when he said something along the lines of "DaShannon your just not like most of the women around here. they aren't coming over to 'chat' and have tea with you" it was a bit freeing really. i stopped trying to 'make friends' and decided i'm ok with that. i have groups of girlfriends who get together, relate and inspire they just don't all fit together. then i started blogging and found a whole community of people who are like me- fashion, creative blogs, photography i'm loving this. it's not vain or embarrassing it's life and we're just living it. sounds like you are struggling lately with this... you and your blog are an inspiration. it's a part of you and not everyone has to be into that but those of us who follow your blog enjoy it and hope you continue. you should be flattered if someone recognizes you... treat it in whatever 'fashion' you feel like~

Lesa said...

Let me first say, I love your blog, and I wish I could be as fashionable. That being said, I NEVER tell anyone about my little blog mainly because my own little family thinks I am a nut case, so much so that I keep taking it down, then missing it and putting it up. I have fun doing it and I doubt anyone would recognize me as I am really just "regular".

I do have another very successful blog in the Chinese Adoption World, I get a huge amount of hits and it is very gratifying. It's silly that one is acceptable to me and the other one makes me feel silly.

If I did see you I would be too shy to come up to you and say anything, but I think thank you would be enough.

Kacie said...

I blog about living frugally and personal finance. That can be a really awkward topic to some, to say the least! I wish it was an anonymous blog, but too late for that.

a beer sort of girl said...

It's almost like revealing a secret identity, at least for me. I kept a beer blog for years without telling anyone, so forget your fear of being called vain, and replace that with an alcoholic, and that was my greatest fear. :) If I were the sort of person that had lived my life and thoughts as an open book for everyone IRL, it wouldn't feel so awkward. But in reality I was a fairly private person, and letting the cat out of the bag was scary at times. But it can be freeing too, just like you noted about how you grow more fearless about fashion the longer you keep this blog. The more people find out about it, the less awkward it will be. Just keep it humble and short, and as others said, turn the conversation to how they become intersted in the topic, and it will feel normal in time. :)

kjlangford said...

I do tell people IRL, via facebook and twitter. And via my mom, who tells people (including my dad) that if they want to know what's going on with me they should read my blog. Which is true.

It's not weird for me (most of the time) because I knowingly put it out there. I want to be read. And I don't know how to increase my audience without making it known amongst my "IRL" friends.

There are some things that I have to censor because of this, but that's probably good. There are some things that I put up anyway, and then go "eh, don't know if I want IRL people to read that" but I get over it. The weirdest thing for me is when people that I don't see very often (and am not really close to, maybe people I didn't even like...) say "oh I read your blog" and I immediately wonder what they think. But lots of people also say "oh, just so you know, I read your blog- I hope that's not weird!" to which I always reply "well, that's why I write it - so people will read it, so no that's not weird!"

I think the best thing to say is "thank you, I'm glad you enjoy reading it!" I know that's not a lot to say, but hopefully you can jump into a conversationg from there.

Della said...

I started my blog about a year ago to keep family, friends & select co-workers who were interested in my adventures up-to-date. I have not had strangers recognize me, but I am curious who my followers are. Thanks to you, I learned about Google's feedburner, and although I don't know WHO is reading, at least now I know HOW MANY I am reaching.

When I returned from one of my trips, I did have co-workers tell me they enjoyed reading the blog, and that I write well. I thanked them & appreciated that they had read the blog. Sometimes their comments would start a conversation, but I would let them lead. That was the upside.

The downside is that as bloggers we cannot control who links to & reads our blogs, or who talks about it to others. I am not an outgoing, public person, so when my boss (who did not hear about the blog from me) started talking about my blog in front of clients, I felt ambushed & mortified. That's the downside.

Anyway, I really enjoy your blog & your upbeat spirit. I've been hooked since I first discovered it about 3 months ago. If I were to come up to you and say this in person, a 'thank you' would be nice. Even nicer if we could talk about it, maybe ask which was my favorite post...and hopefully leave with some kind of personal connection. But if I sensed you were uncomfortable talking about it, I'd take the hint.

The Cocoa Goddess said...

I have a blog where I hash out things that happen in my life that I need to think through. Only my cousin who has long moved away from me knows about it and reads it with any regularity.

I use it as a diary, a way to think things through, a venting place, a way to keep my cousin abreast of my everyday activities, a possible draft of a future book.

If I saw you in person, I don't know that I would come up to you. It's not that I wouldn't want to tell you how much I enjoyed your blog and your style - it's more that I am of the school that doesn't believe people in the spotlight (however large or small)need to be badgered when they are seen in everyday life. I feel people should be allowed their privacy if they aren't at a function that purposefully has them hob-nobbing with the common-folk.

Just on Friday, I was walking up the stairs to a restaurant in the new Fairmont hotel in town. As I looked to my right to acknowledge the guy that was walking up the stairs beside me, I realized it was Ed Robertson from the Barenaked Ladies. I love him. I wanted to take a picture of him (and me together, of course). But I didn't feel I had the right to intrude on his life at that time. He wasn't on stage, wasn't giving an interview. Dude was just trying to check into the hotel. So I kept staring at him everytime he walked by me in the lounge, but I didn't say hi.

Soooo, if you ever see me me staring at you, you'll know why ;)

...bill said...

I think it's pretty great that you do this, and it's gotta take a lot of guts. I don't blog, but I used to be a post at the WOXY.com boards for years and years, and it could be weird when you'd meet other people from it in real life... because some thought they *really* knew you. that's kinda the same maybe...

This is a smaller city than some (only 3 degrees of separation) so I'm sure you run into people from time to time. There have been some articles recently about how privacy is almost a thing of the past because we're back in a village-like situation where everyone can know everyone. Of course, to some extent we get to control what's out there about us. (Although have you ever had someone you kind of know find out where you live and then comment about looking you up on the Auditor's website--that's freaky... :)

I hope you keep this going because it's very entertaining stuff. There's humor and wit and *personality* to your blog so it's more than "just" pictures of clothes. That's appreciated. :]

beangirl said...

If I ran into you IRL and said "I love your blog!" I would like to hear you say "Thank you! I love writing it!" That would totally be sufficient and I would be pretty happy to hear that something someone does with such frequency (and so well) makes them happy. (It's highly unlikely I would ever do such a thing- say "I love your blog" to a total stranger I mean- because I am super-shy. That's like super-fly, but with less use of hotpants and more blushing.)

C Lo said...

I dunno, K....your blog and mine are different. Mine is purely venty. Yours actually is useful and beneficial for more than just you, kwim?

1. I do have a blog.
2. I rarely tell people IRL about it.
3. I've never been recognized.
4. I say "thanks" and see if they want to talk about it further. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.
5. Yes, a "thank you" is enough. :)

Midwest Mayhem said...

I've only been blogging for a few months. At first I was kind of embarrassed about it, but my husband has been very supportive and that has helped a lot. I'm not nearly as embarrassed anymore. The only thing I still have trouble with though is trying to explain my blog to people who don't know what fashion blogging, or ever blogging in general is. The term 'blog' is just so awful too, I cringe a bit every time I say it out loud.

Kiki said...

Yes, I have a fashion blog. After reading your blog for awhile I thought I'd give it a try.

I do tell people IRL and I think my mom shows everybody at work.:0) (What can I say I'm an only child and it keeps her up to date on my life.) I've posted it on facebook and share it with select coworkers, but never my students. I've been laughed at a few times, usually by teenagers, so it doesn't bother me. But, I've yet to be insulted by an adult or a commenter. It's really just a fun thing for me to do.

I've never been recognized and probably never will be. If I was recognized, I'd say thanks and ask about their style.

If I ran into you IRL, I'd say "Hi" and how great it is that I get to see you INL.

Ronda said...

I have a blog, and its still a baby blog as i see it, i have only had it since janurary. When i first started it i did tell some people about it. But i started feeling kinda wierd about it. So now i just have it connected to my facebook. So each time i post there is an alert thingy posted to my facebook page. This lets people who are looking at my page to know its there, and they can read it if i want. But if they dont care, neither do i. haha

and when people tell me they like it. all i usually say is on thanks, then move on. :P

Meli22 said...

my blog is top secret. my mom doesn't even know about it. ;) I think I would die if someone recognized me, but I doubt that will happen since the majority of my shots are headless!

Ana - Toil and Trouble said...

I have a blog, but I don't tell anyone about it. My husband started telling people about it in conversation, but I asked him to stop because it made me really uncomfortable. I know it would affect my image in a bad way if my coworkers found out.

Allison said...

I have a blog, which started as a way to show my far-away family and friends my sewing and DIY projects. I'm pretty sure they're still really the only ones that read it.
I don't go out of my way to mention it, but it comes up in conversation I will mention it. I'm proud of my projects!
I think a thank you is good. I might want to chat about particular posts you've made that I really liked.

Work With What You've Got said...

I have a blog, inspired by you, and I have mixed feelings about telling people about it. Most people find out eventually, but I am always a little embarrassed, and I have no idea why!~

Jennifer said...

I have a food blog, www.italianfoodgitive.blogspot.com . I actually was confronted with this situation the other day at a bookclub. I didn't know the girls at the bookclub. After I ate the host's peanut butter tarts I said, "I should write about this on my blog," and everyone was like, "What's your blog?" I told them and strangely enough, like 4 of them said they read it. My response was "That's so weird."

Oranges And Apples said...

I have a blog, and for the first year I didn't tell anyone at all. Then it got covered in a newspaper, so I told everyone about it, and since I've started talking about it more, though I still don't tend to volunteer it to people I don't know. It just seems such a frivolous thing to do, to post pictures of outfits! It's more like I might be talking about someone I 'met' through the blog, so I say that rather than pretend they are someone I actually know, which is what I used to do.

Sam said...

I work downtown Cincinnati and have seen you out during lunch. I once came up to you and said, "I love your blog"! You looked at me and with no expression what-so-ever and said nothing to me and walked away! Whatever!

Robyn said...

I too have a style blog. It's less than two months old and I don't only do outfit posts (in fact, they're fairly few and far between since it's hard to find someone to take the picture. We're all so busy!). So I've never been recognized on the street, though that would be exciting (the first few times).

Even though I'm open about my blog (as in, it's linked on facebook, I'll tell people if they ask, etc.), I do get uncomfortable talking about it with non-style-minded people in real life. If someone's not really into the whole blogging world, then they don't really realize what it's all about. Plus I feel like talking about it would reduce me to one of those caricatures of someone with too much free time on their hands.

I think starting a short conversation is the best reaction to recognition. The thing about blogs is that they feel so personal, your readers feel like they know you even though you don't know them. Plus, they're giving you a compliment, and it's always nice to reward that with some attention in return: "Oh thank you! How did you find it? Are you interested in fashion? Do you have a blog?" That sort of thing would be nice to hear from a blogger you've been reading avidly for years!

Robyn
ChiChiSaysRobyn.blogspot.com

whenlifehandsyouapear said...

I have two blogs, one for friends and family that's mainly about our family and what we're up to, and a new 'style' blog, although I'm embarrassed to even call it that because it's more of a way of tracking my style journey.

I have no problem discussing my first blog with anyone, but the second 'style' blog is more my little secret. I'm afraid that too many people I know would find it ridiculous or think I'm being vain and superficial to care so much about what I wear.

I don't think anyone would ever recognize me from my blog, it's so small and insignificant in the whole world of blogging.

When people tell me they love my family blog I feel kind of honored that they would take time out of their scheduled to read something I've written. I share my crazy family stories and photos to help others laugh and see the real side of parenting.

If I came up to you and mentioned the blog I'd be thrilled with a 'thank you'.

Lorena said...

Yes, I have a blog it is fashion related, mostly what I wear.
I don't tell people about it. My husband knows but does not have the link... and a couple of friends have suggested I do one.. but I have not told them, nor think I will.
I think if anyone recognized me I would drop dead in embarrassement. Honestly.
I think that if I ran into you and commented on your blog, I would not expect anything but a warm smile or just plain thanks...

maryeb said...

Wow, 44 response, you hit a nerve.

As a 'faux extrovert' (love that term) myself, I kept my blog and my on-line shop a secret for quite a while. It was actually kind of fun, like being a secret agent or something. I still feel a little uncomfortable whenever anyone in the 'real' world asks me about them.

And 'thank you' would be enough for me. Although, I might have a question or two if you had the time.

Tiffany said...

I've been waiting for a reason to talk about this. Thank you.

I kept my blog from my fiance for three months. He and my sister would catch me doing little photo shoots (I only asked them once to take my photos- once was all it took to realize they weren't up to it)and I would say it was for posterity, or for my weardrobe account. They would walk behind me while I was at the computer updating my blog and I'd change screens really quickly, like someone sneakily watching porn. I felt like I was holding some terrible secret from Ben, like I was cheating on him with my blog, so one day while we were walking on the beach I mustered up the courage to have the conversation. "Babe, there's something I need to tell you..." To my relief, he didn't poke fun or ask me why I needed to blog or any of the other horrible reactions I'd imagined. And he doesn't ask to look at it, he doesn't even bring it up. That's exactly what I wanted- to not talk about it, because guys really just don't get it.

I don't tell other people about my blog. I don't know how to bring it up in conversation for one, and I don't see why anyone who wasn't in front of a computer would care. My friends wouldn't judge me but I doubt they'd understand. I blog for other bloggers to read and I have no qualms about dropping my blog address at the end of a comment. IRL it's different. I'm not a conceited or superficial person but I feel like style blogging seems that way to "outsiders."

No one recognizes me because my blog is really new and small, but I imagine if they did I would blush, say thanks, and ask what they liked about it.

Tiffany
areasontobefabulous.blogspot

Londyn said...

I'm totally with you on this one. You're actually much more open with your blog than I am! I've only told a few friends and family members - but to most - my blog is my secret outlet.

I get shy and feel a little silly sometimes, but I'm definitely more open to sharing with friends than sharing with anyone I have a professional relationship with. I like to keep my personal and work life very separate so that is a bit no-no for sharing there...

As for how to respond - I think "thank you" is a perfect response - and maybe something about why or how you started it up (just for conversation..?).

Kelly said...

I have a style blog. I've had it for a couple years but I didn't tell even my boyfriend for months. For people who are outside of "the community" I fully expect it to seem entirely vain and self-centered and full of myself, which is why I'm hesitant to bring it up.

One friend found me through a random google search, and my guy has mentioned it to a few of his friends, but other than that no one in "real life" knows about it. I think now I'd be OK with some friends, cousins, etc. knowing, because I've had it so long and sort of become more secure in it. But I know that my parents and brothers would think I was NUTS.

I would be thrilled if someone on the street recognized me though. I mean, most of the fun of blogging is connecting with like-minded people and the friendships I've made, so I'd love to extend some of that into my offline life. To be honest, if I found the courage to tell someone that I loved their blog and all I got was a "thank you" I would feel a little slighted. I guess I would hope for a bit more conversation than that.

airedale3 said...

Kasmira, I look forward to reading your blog every day. You are very stylish and you have inpsired me to try my hand at a fashion blog as soon as I learn how to use my camera! It is not vain to share your talents with others. I believe that style and writing ability is mosty definitely worth sharing with others. I want to say a big THANK YOU for making my days a little more pleasant. As to your other question. Thank you is the only response that is necessary to a RL compliment.

elnajay said...

Yes, I have a style blog...though it's fairly new. I've only told a couple of my close friends and my boyfriend about it. And I think only one of those has ever visited it. Even my family doesn't know yet. I'm not entirely sure why I'm not quite comfortable with people that I know in person having that sort of information about me while I hope that people I don't know in person do visit my blog and get to know me, as I've gotten to "know" others like you through their wonderful blogs!

I think it's mostly that I have similar concerns to other commenters about having my real-life professional identity linked to my blogging identity. I'm a graduate student at a tech university, so my profession is fairly male-centric. While I like wearing interesting things and reminding people that one can be a computer scientist and still be feminine and interested in personal exploration through style, I absolutely would not be comfortable with someone who was Googling me in a professional context stumbling on my blog. I admit I actually changed my blogging name a few days ago for exactly that reason...I didn't have my real name on there, but one could have tangentially ended up on the blog if you searched for the right thing. (Though I did have one coworker attempt to find the "hypothetical fashion blog" I mentioned with no success, so I guess I'm safe.)

As far as what to say when someone mentions your blog IRL..."thank you" is probably sufficient. Maybe worth asking them if they keep a blog themselves?

(Also, I've really been enjoying your blog and your style! So thank you for sharing so much...)

Mel said...

Yes, I have a blog, and I tell like minded friends about it.

I love to take pics of shops I go to and sometimes have to explain myself, so I carry calling cards with my blog address.

It is sooo funny that you should mention your shyness today of all days, I SWEAR I saw you today at the local Arc. But I'm in Denver, so it couldn't have been you as you are in a different state - I just about embarrassed myself by saying "Hey! Love your outfit today!"

Sorry to embarrass you here, but "I'm a huge fan!"

Mike said...

Hi Kasmira,

Good article and here's my input. No blog yet but I am working on putting one up.

Here's how I would handle the recognition.

Firstly, "thank you" is nice but neither you nor the person recognizing you is satisfied with just that. If you were you would not be asking.

You are out there and it is one of your alter egos. We all have them and I suggest you let yours do her thing. She is the same or similar to your alter ego in acting.

How do you respond to people who watch a performance and want to know more about you. Of course many people have only the information we give them when doing a blog or acting or whatever medium we express ourselves.

When someone recognizes you, thank them if that is appropriate and just talk to them as you would anyone else. Don;t spend a ton of time in detail just top level stuff. When it is time to leave the elevator, say "nice to meet you and thank you for your support". It is what anyone would say to a fan and that's what we are. We support you and look forward to your performances online.It is interest, entertainment, and different opinion and information.
Realize too that the online Kasmira may be very different than at home Kasmira, but they are both part of you and each one takes priority when in that role.

Good luck and keep up the good work. You have created a nice blog and one many people look forward to reading!
Michael

Audi said...

As a true extrovert, I'm not shy about talking about my blog (especially since it helps promote my etsy shop!), with one notable exception: at work, it is pretty much top secret. If any of my coworkers know about it, they have thankfully never mentioned it; seeing as how my blog is partly about how lamentably my coworkers dress, they perhaps think they're the target of my observations and keep the knowledge to themselves. But I keep it quiet at work because frankly I'm just not very close with most of my coworkers and don't really feel like sharing that aspect of my life with them. And perhaps I feel like I wouldn't be taken seriously as a scientist if people knew just how much energy I put into style and fashion.

I've been recognized three times, and it was weird only from the standpoint of knowing that other people might have recognized me at some point but not said anything. So it makes me worry about not having complete anonymity when for whatever reason I venture out looking not-so-stylish. I guess the solution is just to look great all the time -- ha!

A simple 'thank you' is sufficient, I think. The times I've been recognized I have tried to engage the person in further conversation, but they were the ones who sort of got shy and didn't say much. I think it's equally awkward for the recognizer and the recognizee, because after the first introduction you realize that you don't know that person at all, even though the blog creates an air of friendship.

Sophia said...

I think it's easiest to tell your friends about your blog first. Yours seems to have a lot of traffic, so that means it's popular so you should be proud of it! (even if people come on to be trolly, they go back to their caves afterward and you still have a great blog) My roommate just started a blog and she just sent a few good friends the link because she knows we will support it. When it comes up, I think you should just own it! I see you say you're a faux extrovert, and maybe connecting your blog to your every day life when people bring it up will make you more extroverted in real life (if that's what you want) Good luck, and I will keep reading!

RETRO REVA said...

When I get comments on the outfit I'm wearing, I love to share my blog with others. I say Thank you first and then write down my blog address if they are interested. They usually are interested in starting their own blog! I tell them it's very addictive! I am happy to share my new-found passion. Maybe it's a newbie thing, but I am kinda proud of myself for taking on such a consuming project. My blog is my way of being creative and meeting new,cool ladies or gents from all over the world!

Trent, Tina, and the kids: said...

I just wanted to finally tell YOU thank you. I am a mom of 6, and I really lost myself fashionwise for a while. Thanks for helping me find me again. I have really enjoyed your blog, I have been lurking for about a year. Anyway, I don't think that if I met you in person you should have to say thank you to me. It is obvious you put plenty of time, thought and effort into your blog. The gratitude is mine.

Trent, Tina, and the kids: said...

I just wanted to finally tell YOU thank you. I am a mom of 6, and I really lost myself fashionwise for a while. Thanks for helping me find me again. I have really enjoyed your blog, I have been lurking for about a year. Anyway, I don't think that if I met you in person you should have to say thank you to me. It is obvious you put plenty of time, thought and effort into your blog. The gratitude is mine.

Empress said...

I thin k I can understand your feelings about people coming up to you, It is sort of weird at times like your a mini celeb. But I think a thank you for reading, and what do you like best about it is sufficient. If your up to it ask a few questions for a marketing stand point, ask them what they would change and how you can make your blog better. They'd love that.

Janni said...

I do not have a blog, but I am a part of a baby/mother forum. I have been for 3 years now. I consider those people my friends and I talk about them openly to my real life friends. The majority of my family and friends know about it and I am not shy about telling them because it has been so much help to me in the past. I even suggest it to new moms. This is similar to your situation because it's an online community. It almost kinda makes you feel geeky for having online friends you've never met, but at the same time, I wouldn't trade them for the world. An awesome bunch of ladies. Well, I've gone off on a tangent here, lol. I love your blog and if I met you IRL I probably would come up to you and probably even want a picture with you. I think you inspire many, you are artistic, and you shouldn't be shy about this. Hey, you even try to do some good by telling people to thrift their clothes instead of buying all new. I think if you said thank you as a response to my question, OUR conversation wouldn't end there. I'm sure I'd ask more questions. You should be shy when someone recognizes you, it just means you guys share a passion for fashion. :o)

玉鳳 said...

haha~ funny! thank you for your share~ ........................................

Kasmira said...

Sam - I'm kind of deaf...I probably didn't hear you! Consider this a belated "thank you." (BTW was that in front of the Chiquita building about a year ago? I remember someone hollering at me, but I couldn't understand the words. I tend to get a lot of non-blog, harassing comments from people on the street so I tune a lot of it out.)

...bill - the auditor website connection does freak me out a little. I take care not to publish too many personal details, but I can't hide my home address from an internet sleuth!

MarchMusing - go for it! You can always chop off or obscure your face when you start out, if you are uncomfortable with revealing your identity. However, I find blogs with faces the most engaging.

All - I plan to use some of your conversation engaging suggestions. Thanks!

DonnaFashion said...

Kasmira: I've been shocked that you do all of this work for no money. I guess what I'm saying is that you have a real talent, and can't believe noone has snatched you from your HR corporate position to come work for them in the fashion industry!
Yes, I have a couple of blogs...the one I write weekly is under someone else's name and is used to keep a group of triathletes going....my most recent one is on my rehabilitation from a skiing accident and subsequent knee surgery and like most of your commenters, keep it secret because I want to continue writing in it like a diary. I had a fashion newsletter for a while and provide wardrobe consulting so I know it's just a matter of time before I start blogging about wardrobing.

Faux Fuchsia said...

1.I have a blog and don't show my face
2.I tell people about it, I only started it in Dec 09 and only have about 360 followers so it is quite new.
3.I have been recognised a few times, odd since don't show my face!
4. I always say thankyou and ask how they came across it.

Kasmira I really enjoy your blog. It makes me sad you were savaged in the forums but you're having the last laugh now!

Academichic said...

I feel exactly how you described it about my blog. I'm really shy and embarrassed to tell friends about it and to have them know how much time I put into my outfits, something about that feels vain or narcissistic, even though I don't think that of my co-bloggers or style bloggers like yourself. But I guess because I *fear* that that is how others would perceive it, I want to avoid that and still keep my site a secret from most people I know.

S

annahell said...

Wow, so many comments! Great topic, Kasmira!

I have a personal blog that I use for journaling, posting my art and writing, and for sharing art and music that I like. It's a bit complicated to go into in a comment, but I've always tried to keep a very strict separation between my offline and online lives. I'm very open about my writing with family and close friends, but it's hard for me to imagine sharing my blog with a person I didn't know well.

Then again, I kind of want everyone to read (and love) everything I write and I try to share it online as often as I can. I'm aware of the inherent narcissism in blogging and I'm ok with that; we're not monsters just because we post things online for others to see. So, I try to walk the line between self-promoting and annoying with the things I create and share.

Since I try to keep my online life fairly anonymous, I think I would die if anyone actually recognized me in the street. Still, I'd welcome a chance meeting with any nice, curious person.

I also think a simple "thank you" is good enough. I love reading other blogs, so I'd probably ask if they blog and what about. Maybe you could ask them about what they like about your blog in particular? I don't know, it seems best to be positive and let them steer the conversation.