Empathy

Tuesday’s election made me realize that I live in a liberal bubble. I bragged about my diverse network last week, but, of all my friends and contacts, only one individual has expressed pleasure at the outcome of the elections. I’ve surrounded myself, both physically and virtually, with people just like myself. And that has left me out of touch with half of the country.

It boggles my mind that anyone would choose Trump, yet, as I compose this, 59,704,886 Americans have voted for him. I refuse to believe that one out of two American voters is a fearful, hateful person. I believe that people are basically good. And I believe that it is my civic duty to spend the next four years diversifying my relationships to better understand, and empathize with, those that hold opposing political views to my own.

After the 2020 election, I hope to count both “losers” and “winners” among my friends. But, most of all, I hope that I don’t see the two sides as disparate factions.

Enough with the politics and on to the clothes . . . I pulled out the Mickey and Minnie sweater for our Toastmasters “Disney Dreamin” themed meeting. We had Mickey Oreos, enjoyed hearing some Walt Disney history (courtesy of Beefy), and tried not to talk about the election (or attack the single Trump-supporter among us).


Sweater, Forever 21. Tunic, Wet Seal. Leggings, Allen B. Sunglasses, Target. Bag, Rebecca Minkoff. Boots, Style & Co (thrifted).

(Actually, this sweater is even more apropos considering that I can never decide whether Mickey and Minnie are hugging or choking each other.)


I do not intend to begin a political debate in the comments, but if you’d like to say something thoughtful and considerate, be my guest. I will not publish hateful or inflammatory comments.


Beefy made me wear this stupid hat to our meeting, but it earned me a $5 Starbucks card from the Toastmaster. Sometimes, looking stupid is worth the humiliation. ← And that’s my general philosophy on life.

Going Gray & Fuck You

I recently left the Going Gray & Lovin’ It Facebook group. When I first joined, I was excited to find a group of women who support one another’s decision to reveal their gray (and silver and white). Instead, I found that the culture is just as judgemental and narrow-minded as the one that insists women color their grays. Yes, the group supports natural color, but ONLY natural color. Don’t try to “cheat” your way to gray with lowlights or a pixie (but gray extensions are okay). The skunk stripe is the rite of passage. I also found it to be quite oxymoronic that the the members were discouraged from using “deadly” chemicals on their heads, but encouraged to pile on the makeup (also full of chemicals).



I might sound a bit bitter, and I am. I posted a photo of my hair, after applying a blue tint that gave me a lovely gray to blue transition, and, after a few hours of likes and comments, it was removed without notification. It was taken down because I dared to illustrate an alternative to the “grin and bear it” transition that the group advocates. I challenged the status quo with the idea that graying can be fun, as well as empowering. Fuck you, GG&LI!

I’m going gray as a form of personal expression. I’m expressing dissatisfaction with our culture’s obsession with youth. The gray hair bias, and our penchant for all things young, is related to fertility. Men are fertile well beyond their first and 5,000th gray hair. For women, though, gray hairs increase at the same time fertility begins to decrease. It’s ridiculous that in our advanced society, we still tie a woman’s worth to her fertility. Her ability to pop out babies has nothing to do with her potential contribution to art, science, government or business. I doubt large eyes, smooth skin, round bosoms, and curvy hips will ever truly fall from fashion, but there is hope of erasing the stigma of gray hair. I’m joining the ranks of silver sisters who are demonstrating that a woman can be vital, productive, and even beautiful, as her hair turns gray. Colorless hair does not mean a colorless life.

Again, I’m going gray as a form of personal expression. This is my personal expression. I don’t judge you for coloring your hair, if that’s your jam. I don’t judge your skunk stripe, if that’s your badge of honor. I don’t judge you for coloring your 25-year-old head of naturally black hair to an unnatural gray, if that’s on trend. In return, don’t judge me for enhancing my gray with pink or blue or purple. Don’t judge me if I change my mind in six months and return to flaming red. Let’s agree not to judge one another for our coiffure choices. It’s just hair, people! Turn the judgement on the judgers, not one another.

Gray hair does not make you ugly or worthless. It also doesn’t make you an earth goddess. But it can be a statement. What does your hair say about you?

Size Matters

…or, actually, it doesn’t. Especially when you’re thrifting. I bought this sweater and skirt on the same day at the same store, but they’re from different eras. The sweater (vintage) is an 8 and the skirt (modern) is a 0. Totally ridiculous.


Sweater, R and K Knits (vintage and thrifted). Skirt, The Limited (thrifted). Boots, Vince Camuto. Furry collar, gift. Jacket, H&M (thrifted). Socks, Sock Dreams. Necklace, Urban Outfitters.

I appreciate it when thrift stores organize clothing by size, but I try to be mindful of the vagaries of sizing. I usually browse the sections outside of my size range and I don’t allow a number to scare me off from at least trying on a possible garment.

I'll Just Stop Reading

I subscribe to 188 blogs in my Google Reader. Most are fashion and style related. Some no longer update (where did you go Just My Style?), but they stay on my reader list, if not my site’s blogroll.

Not all the blogs meet my personal preferences. Some twitter on and on about moods and food. Some consist of nothing but giant pictures that require me to scroll scroll scroll. Some require me to complete 47 steps to leave a comment or don’t allow comments at all. I tolerate this because, let’s face it, blogs are personal expressions and I am not going to dictate someone else’s style. I appreciate the differences, even if I don’t like them.

But one thing will cause me to leave a blog behind forever: truncating the feed into readers, like Google Reader. I do not want to click and open a new window to look at a blog. If a post shows up in my reader as a title and a few lines of text, requiring me to visit the site to see more, I will move on. Hell, I have 438 items in my reader right now. Why should I make the effort?

Why do people do this? I can only think they truncate the feed in order to drive traffic to their webpage. If you visit the page, you are counted for advertising dollars. Truncating the feed is an underhanded, lazy way to generate revenue.

If you really want me to leave the easy depths of Google Reader and visit your blog, draw me there with your fabulous content. Intrigue me with a link to a prior post. Engage me in a conversation. Ask me a question with a poll. Or just do something so incredible that I want to visit and tell you what I thought. Isn’t that what style blogs are all about? Inspiration and community?